Death anniversaries are tricky. They are actually two-fold: the date our loved one breathed their last breath here on earth AND the moment our lives changed forever.

On August 13, 2013, I awoke in the early morning hours to discover that my husband had died. For years whenever that date drew near, waves of grief assailed me. Each year marked how long he’d been gone and while no reminder of that was needed, it still hit hard.

Then after the third year when I was healing from the initial grief, my focus began to be more directed on myself and the death anniversary date became a marker of my widowhood. Initially I felt guilty that I was making the date about me – but as widows we know that the death of our spouse totally changes every aspect of our lives. So it does become about us as well as our husbands.

Now August 13 is my “New Year.” It certainly is not a day to be celebrated – it has and always will be a day of remembrance of my dear husband – a day to allow myself to grieve the loss of his presence in my life. However, as my benchmark of widowhood for yet another year, it has also become a day of reflection, evaluation, purpose, and seeking God’s direction for my life. Yes, it’s a reminder that I’m still a widow, but it’s also a time to reflect on how far I’ve come in my widow journey and to look ahead at what’s in store if I step out in faith and keep moving forward.

August 13 has become a day of new beginnings and a time of taking action as I follow opportunities God allows me. I challenge you to do the same. That will look differently for everyone – the important thing is to be open to what God has in store for you. Your life is not over. You have purpose. Remember, being a widow is your circumstance, not your identity!

Today I’m entering my 13th year as a widow. There’s nothing about widowhood that I like and I certainly don’t want to be one!Nevertheless, I can look back on all the blessings and opportunities God has brought my way and realize how truly blessed I am! To God be the glory! He is faithful!

I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:19-23